Relationship: Do romantic movies harm the relationship?

Everything that ends badly, because otherwise, it would never end”. “I’d rather die now than live a hundred years without knowing you”. “Love does not think, it feels”. Phrases like these go deep into Western society. Although most people think and reason that a romantic movie does not reflect the reality of a couple, the truth is that viewing this type of film can impact beliefs about what is expected of a relationship.

This information can go to the unconscious and be projected in a romantic relationship. The person experiencing it may believe and feel the relationship is not working and unconsciously cause its breakup.

Commercially successful films such as Twilight, Titanic, Noa’s Diary, A Walk to Remember and many more that would make an endless list tell what the protagonist is capable of doing and what he is capable of giving up for love.

Remember that most of these films focus on the first phase of the relationship (falling in love), where feelings are intense. In the movie, no matter how long the lovers have been together, that feeling is maintained forever.

An unexpected crisis

However, other types of films are more faithful to reality when it comes to portraying couple relationships. But, curiously, they are usually in the category of independent cinema. Such is the case of Revolutionary Road or the Before Dawn trilogy. Regarding box office, it seems that reality does not sell so well when it comes to love. Idealized love is much more profitable.

The cinema legitimizes a series of erroneous beliefs.

Many of the couple’s crises are due to the subtle messages on the big screen. This type of cinema legitimizes overexertion and self-denial because they convey the message that without love, nothing matters. The effect this generates in the spectator is that of “debt” when it is transferred to real life. The couple does not focus on what they have and wonders what their partner is willing to do for her. A series of erroneous beliefs of what should be expected to ensure that the relationship works are legitimized:

  • “Our love will remain unchanged over time.”
  • “My spouse must anticipate my thoughts, needs, and feelings.”
  • “My spouse will never hurt my feelings.”
  • “Love is something that is not learned. It comes from within.”
  • “If he loved me, he would try to please me.”
  • “Love means wanting to be together, not doubting and sharing our whole life.”
  • “Since we are in love, my partner will always understand and accept me.”
  • “There is only one true love to fight for.”

Each couple is unique and has its own identity. Let’s never forget that. The human brain inevitably seeks to compare itself with others, with cinema being an apparent reference when it comes to doing so.

The cinema can help to get excited about love and disconnect from daily worries, but it should never be a manual of what should happen in a couple.


It is healthy to pay attention to what we have.

Knowing how to detect each one is like tolerating differences is healthy.

It is healthy to understand that everyone is different when deciding what they want to contribute and what they are willing to give up in a romantic relationship.

It is healthy not to pressure and to communicate what each one wants.

Lastly, it is healthy to feel the freedom to decide how one wants to get involved in a relationship and thus stop wasting time waiting and wondering if the connection is working.

Paying attention to the experiences that each one experiences in their relationship and being aware of them without judging them is the best manual for learning to enjoy a relationship.


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